Healing wounds makes way for virtue

Years ago I had a favorite client who was a perfect specimen of a man by all accounts. With the exception of one last stronghold.

Years ago I had a client who was a perfect specimen of a man by all accounts. Worked hard at his job in law enforcement. Loved the Faith. Stayed healthy and fit, and had a great sense of humor. 

He had been going to marital therapy with his wife whose mysterious complaint was that she had no complaints…but still felt like something was missing in their emotional connection. Sure enough, when I met with him one on one, he opened up about his longstanding addiction to pornography. 

Want to sum up the virtues?

Virtues are flexible skills for solving the difficult problems of life.

What are the difficult problems of life? Controlling our relationship with food, drink, sex. Problems with these things are telltales for unhealed wounds of the past. His porn problem needed healing.

We worked through a lot of stuck feelings of anxiety, acting out, and shame - all from decades before. Long story short: surfacing and healing certain memories led to a deepening of his virtue. His heart expanded and grew stronger, and his wife was thrilled to feel more deeply seen and loved by the man she married. He had previously loved her in a functional manner - from the head. Finally, he was able to love her from the heart. 

The specific virtue he was able to acquire was chastity. Chastity has to do with self-mastery of the sexual drive, but it is closely united with charity, virtue of Love which is the the most important of all (learn more about chastity and charity here).

Processing through wounds makes way for genuine virtue - fueled by real love - to take root in your heart. 

Image link to bio for Marcel Lanahan, LMHC

Dr. Marcel Lanahan

Founder, Lead Clinician

Marcel is a Catholic therapist, husband, and father of five. He is dedicated to supporting fellow Catholics with guidance on their healing journeys.

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