God Teaches through Obstacles, Not Ideas

There was a line in Abandonment to Divine Providence that really struck me recently:

‍“God teaches the soul by pains and obstacles, not by ideas” (pg. 77).

I had read this book before, but I don’t remember this line—and it’s somewhat of a mystery why it has resonated with me so strongly this time.

The Pull Toward Ideas

I think I recognize in this line a presumption—sometimes unconscious, sometimes conscious, and now more conscious—that if I could just grasp the right concepts or ideas, I would be able to fix or repair whatever I see as going wrong in my life or in the lives of my clients. I know this about myself: I love concepts and ideas, and I delight in the pursuit of understanding. This is a part of me I really enjoy, because it helps me contemplate the deeper things of life and has ultimately led me to God through truth. I remember Fr. Groschel speaking about how different people are drawn to God in different ways, and truth has always been one of my primary paths.

This disposition often leads me to spend a great deal of time listening to podcasts, watching documentaries, taking courses, or reading and listening to books. I believe all of this is good and has helped me grow as a person while also giving me tools to help others. Yet I also recognize in myself a tendency to overindulge, saturating myself with concepts and ideas under the assumption that if I just understand enough, I will finally have the answers I need—or know how to “fix” a particular problem in myself or in my clients. More and more, though, I see that things do not work this way.

I have no doubt that learning concepts and ideas is essential, both for my own development and for helping others. So I will never disregard this way of knowing. But that line—God teaches the soul by pains and obstacles, not by ideas—feels crucial in both self-work, therapy and mentorship.

Why This Line Brings Relief

I feel a sense of relief in this realization. It helps me see that I don’t have to carry the pressure of always finding the “perfect” concept or articulating the most profound truth, for myself or my clients. I have begun to realize that much of my anxiety in therapy work comes from the belief that I must not only understand concepts perfectly, but also communicate them perfectly, in order to help my clients. I am now negotiating with that part of myself, adjusting this mindset, and I can already see some fruit from it. At the same time, I want to avoid swinging to the other extreme, as though concepts and learning no longer matter. That isn’t a great concern for me, though, because I naturally love philosophy and the pursuit of deeper insight.

“I don’t have to carry the pressure of always finding the perfect concept or articulating the most profound truth.” - Vince Deming, Catholic Therapist

Balancing empathy and ideas

One of the most striking moments of this became clear when a psychologist I respect admitted he also had this tendency. I resonated with him when he vulnerably admitted his tendency to rely too much on explaining concepts, assuming that was the primary way clients would be helped. His stories of how this approach often failed were eye-opening for me. His stories showed me and of course himself that there is nothing wrong with having this disposition, but it can and in his cases did become counterproductive in work with clients who need more that this. In fact, his examples perfectly illustrate the very principle we’ve been talking about: God teaches us more through mistakes, pain, and obstacles than through ideas alone. It was ultimately by failing in this approach that this psychologist truly learned how to do it differently.

This also gives me more confidence in being present with my clients’ pain. As difficult as it is to watch someone suffer and want to relieve that suffering, and as much as I would never want to dismiss it with a simplistic “good will come of this,” I now see more clearly that pain is necessary for growth, healing, and transformation. It is woven into the very fabric of God’s design.

It’s important to note that there is a spectrum of dispositions towards treating clients in the helping professions: there are people with a natural disposition toward empathy (the “empaths”) and those who tend to live more in the realm of concepts and ideas. If either tendency becomes excessive, problems arise. The empath may always validate but never challenge, leaving the client unchanged. The concept-driven person may explain brilliantly but fail to make the client feel truly heard. Both are necessary, but balance is key.

In this dynamic, humility and vulnerability are very important.  Each of us tends to lean one way or the other, and awareness of this allows us to move closer to the middle. It also reveals a profound truth: our weaknesses often hold the richest soil for growth. Our strengths are God-given gifts and will naturally bear fruit, but our weaknesses are where real transformation can happen. This dynamic goes beyond the helping professions. In any relationship, greater self-knowledge—and awareness of what makes others feel cared for—can bridge gaps where disconnection arises